March 2 Evaluation
1.Be aware of what you are saying: ‘retard’ is not ‘stupid’
The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines mental retardation as a “sub average intellectual ability equivalent to or less than an IQ of 70 that is accompanied by significant deficits in abilities (as in communication of self-care) necessary for independent daily functioning, is present from birth or infancy, and is manifested especially by delayed or abnormal developement , by learning diffculties, and by problems in social adjustment.
2. The lead is too long and doesn’t seem interesting.
3. The words ‘retarded’ and ‘stupid’ are two different things that are heard all over.
4. It gets right to the point and the definition can go after the lead. It’s also shorter.
1.Prom Costs more than its ticket value
With prom around the corner, everyone is worrying so much about getting a date that they forget dresses and boutonnieres don’t fall from the sky.
2.Doesn’t really make sense when it talks about boutonnieres.
3.Prom isn’t always worth the price of the ticket.
4. It’s direct and makes more sense.
1. ASB raises money for Haiti with shirt sales
ASB is selling T-shirts to aid Haiti after the Jan. 12 earthquake.
2. The lead is just stating the obvious. It’s kind of plain.
3. Due to the Haiti earthquake on Jan. 12, ASB is selling T-shirts to aid those who were affected.
4. It gives more details.
1.High School relationships lack longetvity
High school relationships may be fun and exciting, but are they going to end in marriage?
2. It’s a yes or no question.
3. High school relationships, although fun and exciting, don’t always end in further commitment.
4. The lead is rephrased in a way where it states what the article is about.
